50+ Tips for Couples Who Play Board Games Together

I'm blessed to have a wife who not only plays board games with me but also isn't picky about what we play. We're a board gaming couple and we play throughout the year, although our activity does ebb and flow with life circumstances and such. That's just how it goes.

While it's great having a partner who shares in most of my play time, it also means we've butted heads and fought over issues big and small. We've had sessions fall apart, games soured by negative emotions, disagreements over our collection, and more. Friction happens.

But solutions exist! Here are all the best tips and lessons I've learned over the years for making sure our experience as a board gaming couple is as smooth, fun, and enjoyable as possible.

Table of Contents

On Scheduling Game Time

We're pretty flexible when it comes to our play sessions. "Want do you want to do tonight?" one of us asks. "I don't know. What about you?" the other says. "How about a board game?" And most of the time: "Sure."

But before we were married, it wasn't so easy. Finding time to play can be tough for most couples! Here's how we used to manage it, plus some other tips I've picked up from others along the way:

Establish whether your board game time as a couple is "sacred" (very important and shouldn't be cancelled) or "flexible" (could be blown off for something else). Either one is fine as long as you're both on the same page. Mismatched expectations will cause issues!
Block out a dedicated weekly time slot for gaming. Or make it monthly, or twice monthly. Whatever works best for you both. The idea is to stop thinking of gaming time as "something to do if we have time" but rather a commitment like anything else that's important in life.
Make sure to choose a day and time when you're both usually in good spirits and high in energy. If weekends are too hectic with errands, maybe opt for Wednesday. Or dedicate every Saturday afternoon if that's when you're free from the obligations of work. Avoid gaming when exhausted or stressed, as that can lead to frustration and burnout.
Accept that life happens and sometimes you just can't play games even if you both want to. If work is overwhelming, or if you're going through grief, or if your calendar is full of social events, it's better to skip gaming than to force it. (Trust me!) Allow yourself to take breaks, and never guilt-trip your partner over legitimate reasons for backing out. That's a recipe for building resentment.
Consider doing shorter but more frequent sessions. Instead of a marathon day every month, maybe do two or three 1-hour sessions every week. Smaller sessions are lesser commitments with less obligation and pressure—if you have to cancel, it's easier to swallow.

On Choosing What to Play

What do you do when one of you wants to play this game but the other wants to play that game? It can be tough at times, especially when you have a large collection and both of you have opposite tastes. Fortunately, there are ways to make sure you're both satisfied and not resentful:

Maintain a shared list of games you want to play. Each of you should add to it, and it should be reviewed before you sit down to play. Select two games from the list—one of yours, one of your partner's—and try to keep the play times balanced. If one game is much shorter, play it several times or pick another short game from the list to play afterwards.
Keep things fresh with an active rotation. Once you play a game, retire it to the bottom of the list so other games in your collection can rise to the top. This is great if you have a large collection of games collecting dust. Then again, if you like playing the same games over and over again, feel free to ignore this tip. Do what works for you.
If you're both indecisive, try this I-cut-you-choose approach: suggest 3, select 1. One of you suggests 3 games to play, the other picks 1 of them. It's a great tactic that I use a lot myself. It allows both of us to have input on what we play while cutting through the hemming and hawing of I-don't-knows. Disappointment is rare this way.
If one of you is having a rough day, that person should pick. They're more likely to have a good time and that's a win for everyone. That said, if they're having such a rough day that they'd rather do something else, give them the option to do that as well.
When all else fails, use a randomizer app. I use an app called BGStats for tracking my collection and one useful feature of the app is the ability to randomly select a game to play. You can even create a custom filter that only considers games that match certain criteria: play time, play count, complexity, genre, etc. It's quite handy!

On Tracking Your Plays

I'm a tracker—or at least I try to be. There are many benefits to tracking your board game plays, and those benefits outweigh the slight inconvenience of it. Honestly, it's like a mini-hobby within the hobby for me. If you aren't tracking your plays together, here's why you might want to start and some ways you might go about it:

Use BGStats, a spreadsheet, or even a sheet of paper. Start simple and only track the game name, date, and final scores of each play. As you get more comfortable with it, you can track more details: play time, start player, roles and variants, individual mood and enjoyment ratings, notes and observations, etc. Or don't. Whatever suits you.
Look back on your tracked plays every so often. You'd be surprised how your perception of things aligns (or doesn't align) with reality. Maybe you play more or less often than you think. You might spot patterns in what you like to play, when you like to play, how long it takes to play. You'll also see actual win rates. This is objective data you can use to keep expectations in check, reduce friction points, tweak your gaming schedule, and see which games you're never playing (to possibly sell or trade).
Take note of which modes/roles/scenarios/variants you're playing with each session. You can use this data to see if certain characters or factions are imbalanced (in competitive games), if certain maps or scenarios are easier or harder (in cooperative games), if certain variants are more or less enjoyable, etc.
Record your enjoyment level after each play. You could use a 3-point scale (disliked, neutral, liked) or a 5-point scale (hated, disliked, neutral, liked, loved). You might find that your enjoyment of a game waxes and wanes based on certain factors: whether you win or lose, you're tired or stressed, you chose a certain role, you play it too often, or it's been a while since you last played, etc.
Celebrate milestones together. Tracking lets you see how far you've come as a board gaming couple and can be a source of fond memories. You can see when you've hit your 10th or 20th play of a new favorite, your 50th play of an old favorite, your 100th or 1,000th overall play together. You can review how your previous playthrough of a campaign went, then see how it goes this time around. These moments are fun to remember.
Don't let tracking become a chore. If you aren't innately a "tracker" personality, then forget tracking every little detail. Track the minimum (game, date, scores) and leave it at that. And if you ever forget to track? Or if you want to take a break from tracking? No problem! Track what you can, when you can. Keep it simple—it's better to track something than to overdo it and end up abandoning it altogether.

On Win-Loss Imbalances

Most couples aren't going to sustain a 50-50 win rate. You'll run into imbalances, whether in specific games, particular genres, or simply due to the swings of luck and chance. One of you might feel like you're losing disproportionately, and that can be discouraging and frustrating. Here are some ways I've dealt with that with my own partner:

Discuss how you feel about any perceived imbalances. Is one of you more sensitive to losing than the other? Or maybe losing only hurts when the score gap is huge? Or you don't care about losing at all as long as the gameplay itself is fun and interesting? Make sure you're both on the same page about each other so you know how to approach it.
Track your plays! Not to keep banging on this drum, but diligent tracking provides objective data on win-loss rates. You might feel like you're "always losing," but the data might show you're actually only losing about 60% of the time. It might also show that you lose more or less in certain games (or types of games), and you can use that data to shift what you play towards other games that are more balanced for you.
Post-game debriefs can help close gaps. Both of you can talk about the decisions you made during the game, what ended up being helpful, what ended up being a mistake, and strategies that you think are stronger or weaker. Be careful not to be condescending or too much of a smarty-pants during the debrief if you're the winner.
Use handicaps when the imbalance is significant. Handicaps are a tried-and-true method for keeping competitive games enjoyable despite large skill gaps. Maybe the stronger player starts with fewer resources, or has a turn time limit, or even plays with an open hand. Maybe the weaker player starts with some points, or always has first turn advantage, or has lesser penalties for in-game actions.
Try to beat your own score, not each other. Instead of "whoever has the higher score wins," you can just play against your past self and try to beat your personal best. (Another point in favor of tracking your plays!) This keeps the game interesting for everyone regardless of skill level, though it only works in games with scores (and not races, for example).
Avoid abstract strategy games, play games with more luck. Randomness is the great equalizer in board games. If there's an enormous skill gap between you and your partner, randomness can help fill in that gap. Try to find higher-luck games that you both enjoy and incorporate those games in between the more skillful games. This way the weaker player isn't always feeling helpless and demoralized.
Lean into cooperative variants and cooperative games. When you're working together, the competitive friction is gone and the skill gap is less impactful. For some games (e.g., Wingspan), fans have come up with their own cooperative variants where you can play separately while aiming for a shared goal. Be warned, however, that cooperative play might just turn the tables the other way—instead of the weaker player being frustrated at losing, the stronger player might feel frustrated at picking up the other player's slack. It'll depend on your personalities.

On Managing Frustrations

Frustrations are inevitable, especially when two people are repeatedly sharing in an activity with win-loss conditions. Don't be surprised when they surface. Just make sure you're equipped with some tips and techniques for preventing, addressing, and resolving those frustrations:

Check in and set expectations. When you sit down to play, check the temperature with a question like "How competitive do you feel? Do you want to go serious or take it light?" It'd also be smart to check in on their day, to see if they're in a good or bad mood overall. If they're in a not-so-positive state of mind, take it easy during play.
Create a comfortable environment. Get some snacks and drinks ready. Make sure the lighting is easy on the eyes. If you're a couple who likes background music, put on a playlist that suits both of you. The goal is to establish a kind of ritual that says: "This is fun time!" And consider upgrading your gaming setup with some accessories that'll elevate the experience (e.g., neoprene mat, token bowls, dice trays, etc.).
Agree on a "safe word" for taking breaks. It's okay to get frustrated, and it's okay to take a 5-minute break when you're frustrated. A designated safe word is a great way to let your partner know you're frustrated and need a break—and on the flip side, make sure you don't show any judgment or annoyance when your partner uses it. It's better to take a break and reset than to stew and allow frustrations to fester.
If it's really bad, stop. Sometimes a frustration becomes so great that it's almost impossible to do anything about it. When it gets to this point, gently agree to pack up the game and do something else. Nothing good can come from feeding the frustration further, and it might just be a case where you need a lot of time to calm down.
Debrief after frustrating plays. Or later. Venting about a frustrating play session can help release some of that tension and make it easier to move on. If it was mildly frustrating, you could talk about it right after the game. But more than mild? Then maybe wait for tensions to cool before debriefing. Try to be empathetic. Don't rub salt in the wound.
What about analysis paralysis? If one of you takes fast turns while the other takes long turns, the faster player may find themselves irritated and even resentful over time. Talk about it before it becomes a sore spot and work out a solution that works for both of you, whether that's a turn timer or something else. See my article on why analysis paralysis is a killer and what you can do about it.
Cull games that cause friction. If there are games that tend to rile up frustrations more often than not, it might be in your best interest to let those games go. Some games won't mesh well with your particular dynamic no matter what you do. Hide them, sell them, trade them, give them away. Do it even if you enjoy them! It's better to focus your time on games that you both enjoy and won't frustrate either of you.

On Keeping Things Fun

Board gaming is supposed to be... fun! Yeah, who'da thunk. But there's more to a fun game night than merely the games themselves, especially when you're regularly playing as a couple. Small touches here and there can level up the overall experience to something much greater:

Be uplifting and vocal. When your partner makes a clever decision, acknowledge it. When they're hit with bad luck, commiserate with them. I like to say things like "Wow, you just wrecked me. Nice!" and "I did not see that brilliant move" and "How are you so far ahead of me?!" (Can you tell my wife often has the upper hand against me?) Positive comments spoken aloud really help keep the mood light and fun.
Embrace inside jokes and callbacks. Be silly and joke around during your games—then when you run into super funny moments, reference back to it and maybe turn it into a running gag. Even just saying something like "Remember that time I busted 6 times in a row?" can be a great way to relive past fun and reinforce present fun.
Take photos! Of your sessions. Of each other. You'll be glad to have those photos in 10, 20, or 30 years when you look back on the fun you're having together. But it's not just for long-term memories. It can be fun to look back on your games from last week or last month or last year, so capture those crazy and/or hilarious moments when you can!
Lose graciously and win humbly. Nobody likes a sore loser, but it's doubly worse when you're a board gaming couple and your partner's a sore loser. It's important to lose well and win well, else your partner may wake up one day and realize they don't like playing with you anymore. See my article on signs you're a sore loser and how to stop being one.
Always end on a positive note. Say "good game" when you win and "well played" when you lose. Hug it out and clean up together. If you're frustrated, don't take it out on your partner. If game sessions keep ending on a negative note, eventually it will sour the idea of playing altogether. Avoid that by always ending on a positive note.

On Board Game Burnout

Burnout is a real threat in any hobby and board games are no exception. I recently went through board game burnout myself, so this topic is fresh and dear to me. I don't want any board gaming couple to go through that, so here are some tips for making sure you don't:

Don't play new games all the time. Hobbyist board gamers love learning new games, poring through rulebooks, discovering new mechanisms, encountering something fresh, etc. But your partner may not be like that. They might find it daunting and they could easily burn out if every game session involves learning a new set of rules. Mix it up with established favorites so you can both enjoy that mental break every so often. Find comfort in repeatable games that nourish the soul.
Don't play the same game all the time. Familiarity can breed contempt when board gaming with 2 players, and it's easy to overplay games and lose interest in them. (Yes, even games with lots of replayability!) I have a three-play rule: we don't play the same game more than three times in a row, unless we're both excited about it. That said, if you and your partner both love a certain game and don't mind playing it to death, then go for it! As long as you know the risks, it's your call to make.
Find games you both love. Embrace them. You might be super excited to try The Hot New Thing, and you might even be tempted to rope your partner into playing it even though you know it isn't to their tastes. Stop and reconsider! As a general rule, playing an "okay" game with someone who loves it is better than playing a "great" game with someone who isn't enthusiastic about it. Pressuring your partner into playing games they aren't excited about? That's a direct path to burnout.
Recognize the warning signs. Does gaming feel like an obligation? Are you relieved when game night plans fall through? Is one of you always suggesting to play while the other only reluctantly agrees? Does the idea of pulling out games to play fill you with dread, even games that you once considered to be among your favorites? Check in with each other every so often, as these could signal burnout right around the corner.
Take extended breaks and don't feel bad about it. If burnout is looming over your heads, you have to take a break. You can't "power through" burnout—forced gaming breeds resentment and you'll just end up there faster. The break could be a week, a month, or longer. Pick up another activity to do together for as long as it takes the burnout to pass, and meanwhile consider solo board gaming to scratch the itch.

On Acquiring Games

Finances are a big friction point for many couples, and the board game hobby can get spendy—especially if you dive deep into heavier games, lavish productions, deluxified Kickstarter editions, etc. (Read about why I want nothing to do with Kickstarter board games.) That's why you two must be on the same page when it comes to growing your collection:

Whose collection is it? This question might not be relevant if you and your partner are both board game hobbyists. But if you're like me, it's you who's the hobbyist and your partner is "just" playing with you. The distinction matters because it'll inform how you approach the acquisition of games (and the culling of games you own).
Set a monthly budget and stick to it. Personal finance is personal, so only you can decide what your budget should be—but the important thing is that you have a budget and take it seriously. Make sure your partner is on board with it, too. Yes, even if you have separate finances! Treat the budget as a shared fund and use it on games you both like. The last thing you want is for this hobby to become a source of division.
Create a shared wishlist with criteria. Add games as you discover them, but check with your partner to see how they feel before you actually buy anything. Watch how-to-play, review, and playthrough videos together and discuss the merits of adding the game to your collection. If they're disinterested, drop it and maybe revisit it later. If it's expensive ($50+), only get it if you're both enthusiastic about it. This whole process of a shared wishlist can be a good bonding exercise, too.
Wait before you pull the trigger. Here's one of my favorite tricks I've been using for 10+ years to curb impulse shopping and buyer's remorse: after adding an item to your wishlist, wait at least 4 weeks before buying it. Are you still interested? Go ahead and buy it. I can't count the number of times I've ended up removing games from our wishlist (and saving tons of money) just because I patiently sat on them for a while.
Match your acquisition rate to your gaming frequency. If you only play once or twice a month, maybe it isn't a good idea to load up on a new game every week—especially if you have a "shelf of opportunity" (i.e., games in your collection that you've still yet to play). Unless you're someone who collects board games for the fun of it, of course.
Check out local board game cafés and libraries. If you have the privilege of living near a well-run board game café with lots of classics and hot new games, you can seriously cut back on acquisitions by trying out games there instead. Whenever you find a new favorite, go ahead and buy a copy of your own then. This is a fantastic way to develop your tastes and explore what's out there while being smart with your money. A $10 cover charge at the café beats wasting $60 on one regretful buy.
Make sure you're playing, not just buying. Unless you're a collector type, there's no inherent value in owning a game. Games were meant to be played. For a board gaming couple, it's important to play what you have and enjoy the time spent together. Do you really need more games? Sometimes the best board game acquisition strategy is to buy nothing at all and savor your existing collection.

On Culling Your Collection

If you're a board game collector who doesn't care if your games actually get played, feel free to ignore this last section of tips. But if you're a board game player, then you and your partner likely care about curating a solid collection that you can be proud of. Culling is an important part of curation, so don't be afraid to do it. Be ruthless. Here's how we go about it:

Limit your collection size. For a while, my own personal limit was 100 games... but then I went on a small games bender last year and hit that limit with room to spare on my shelf, so I switched it up with a new space-based limit: the 4x4 cubbies on my Kallax shelf. No matter how you do it, a limit keeps you mindful of your collection and prevents it from spiraling out of control with impulse buys and and buyer's remorse.
Institute a one-in-one-out rule. Once you're nearing your self-imposed limit, you'll want to adhere to this common rule: before you acquire anything else, you have to make room for it. You could do a literal one-in-one-out approach, or do it based on value (sell $60 worth before buying that $60 game), or based on space (get rid of two medium games before acquiring a large game). This mentality can help you keep your collection from bloating into an unmanageable mess.
Identify which genres you both like and both don't. Is worker placement your jam? Keep those! But if limited communication games are frequent frustraters, get rid of them. I used to subscribe to the idea of "filling holes" in a collection (i.e., acquiring a wide variety of games simply for their mechanisms), but I don't care for that anymore. We now simply lean into what we like and cull what we don't like. It's better that way.
Accept that your tastes will evolve. The longer you're in the hobby, the more you'll develop your tastes and understand what types of games you and your partner enjoy. Games that used to excite you may stop sparking joy at some point. That's okay! It's all part of the process. Appreciate that you had a good time with them in the past, then move on. There's no shame in culling games you've cooled on.
Conduct audits on a regular basis. I tend to go into "audit mode" in January/February every year, when the excitement of last year's Q4 sales has settled down and I'm left with a shelf that's hitting its limit once again. When I audit, I just look at every game in my collection and decide whether to keep it or purge it. If I'm unsure, I play it one more time and see if it sparks any joy—if it doesn't, it's going in the purge pile.
Sell, trade, or give away. Sell your culled games and use the proceeds to invest in games more suited to your tastes. Not sure how to start? It was daunting the first time I did it, which is why I wrote a step-by-step guide to selling board games online. Other options include selling at a local convention, on Facebook Marketplace, participating in a local or online math trade, or even just giving them away to friends and family.

Did you find these tips helpful? Are you part of a board gaming couple and have some wisdom of your own to share? I want to know. Don't hesitate to contact me and drop some knowledge bombs!