11 Deadly Sins of Board Gaming Etiquette

Are you that guy (or that girl) in your board gaming group? You know, the one who's unknowingly causing friction with other players because of a few behavioral blunders you might be making.

Nobody wants to be that guy or girl—it rarely happens intentionally—but if you're committing certain game night faux pas, you have to stop. Why? Because board gaming is primarily a social activity! If you grate on too many nerves, people won't want to play with you anymore, you'll stop being invited to game nights, and you'll be left high and dry.

Whether you're actually that guy/girl or you just want to make sure you aren't, here are some of the worst deadly sins of board gaming to avoid if you want to be someone that people like playing with.

Arriving Late or Bailing Last Minute

When your game group agrees to meet at a specific time, you should show up on time. That's just basic respect.

It's one thing to be 10 minutes late one time because you were caught in unexpected traffic. It's another to always be 10 minutes late—or worse, chronically late by 30 minutes or even an hour. And the absolute worst is when you RSVP that you're coming but flake at the last minute with zero notice. (I'd permanently uninvite a regular no-show.)

If you're consistently late or tend to flake, you're officially a jerk. Why? Because you think your time is more valuable than everyone else's. To you, it's just 15 minutes; to everyone else, it's wasted time they can't get back. And given how hard it can be to even gather enough players for game night, it's just extra frustration that nobody needs.

Disengaging Between Turns

Board gaming is a social activity. You're all playing that game together. It's basic courtesy to stay engaged—with the game and with the other players—even when it isn't your turn. It's part of the implicit contract that exists when participating in any social activity, and disengaging from the activity to do your own thing every so often is just plain rude.

That means don't pull out your phone, watch TV, strike up distracting side conversations, leave for extended periods, etc. Not only does it dampen the vibe and signal to everyone else that you don't value their company, but it slows down pacing (especially if you ask "What happened?" every time it's your turn again) and impacts the actual game experience (because you aren't making fully engaged decisions).

Damaging Game Components

Cards are made flat for a reason, so let's keep them that way! Bent, warped, or folded cards can ruin the integrity of a game since "marked cards" give away crucial information. And while cards are the most easily damaged component in most games, those other pieces are still important to keep in good shape, too. Don't lose 'em or break 'em.

And try not to eat or drink at the table! Even if you're super careful, accidents happen. But if you must, stick to clean snacks that are no-mess.

Most board games are more expensive than you think. It's not always easy to "just buy another copy" when pieces get messed up. Not to mention that some board games go out of print, which can make it impossible to even buy a replacement copy if components are damaged.

It ultimately comes down to respect for the board game's owner. Treat cards and game pieces like you would any other piece of property that doesn't belong to you. Are you willing to replace an entire game for any damage you cause? If not, then take extra care.

Blowing Off the Rules Teach

In my game groups, I'm usually the one who's tasked with explaining the rules and getting everyone up to speed. As the rules teacher, nothing boils my blood faster than someone who ignores the explanation and/or talks through it, missing all the crucial bits. They'll inevitably make an illegal move, get called out on it, then blame me for not teaching it right.

The rules teach is one of the most important things for having a good time. Nobody likes to spend an hour playing towards a certain strategy only to find out it's not legit because of a certain rule. If you're going to play a game, the least you can do is put in the effort to understand how it's played. And even if you're the type who "learns by playing," that's no excuse to blow off the rules teach. Pay attention anyway, then clarify during play.

And if you already know the rules: please, shut up! Let the rules teacher explain at their own pace, in their own way. Don't interject with your own remarks. You're just confusing everyone else.

Taking Forever on Your Turn

You might think that "playing to win" and "making the best moves" are the highest priorities when board gaming, but you'd be wrong. Again, board gaming is a social activity—and that means the highest priority should always be to make sure everyone is having a good time.

If you're taking ungodly amounts of time on every single turn, you're ruining it for everyone else. It's as simple as that. While you're deep in your head and mired in indecision, they're twiddling their thumbs and bored out of their minds. What should've been a one-hour game turns into two hours; when you could've played two games, you've only played one.

So, what's the right amount of time to spend on a turn? In general, the unspoken rule is that you should try to match your turn length to the average turn lengths of everyone else. If this is something you struggle with, check out my article on why analysis paralysis sucks and how to overcome it.

Offering Unsolicited Advice

Someone says they're going to pay this, move there, do that. You smack your forehead because there's clearly a better alternative and they're shooting themself in the foot, so you speak up: "Here's why you're making a mistake and how you could be playing better." Maybe not in those exact words, but that's basically what you're conveying with unsolicited advice.

Every participant in a board game is their own player. They have the right to make their own game decisions. Once you start influencing, suggesting, dictating, commanding, pushing yourself onto another player's turn, we call that "quarterbacking" or "alpha gaming" and it's a big no-no.

Doesn't matter whether it's a cooperative or competitive game. Would you want someone backseat driving your actions? Let people play their own turns and make their own mistakes in peace! It's one thing if they ask for help, and small comments can be helpful if it's someone's first play of a new game. But for the most part, hold your tongue and stay in your own lane.

Abandoning Games Midplay

I've played lots of games that sounded way better on paper and weren't very interesting in action. I've also been in games where I trailed in last place with pretty much no chance of catching up to anyone. But you know what I've never done? Given up or quit before it was officially over.

Abandoning a board game partway through is a huge no-no. Even if you can't win anymore, you should still play earnestly out of respect for everyone else who's still in it. Don't disengage, don't whine, don't give up and walk away. Be a mature adult, keep your spirits up, and stick it through.

There are some exceptions to this, like conceding a two-player duel or if the entire group collectively agrees to end prematurely. For the most part, though? When you sit down to play a game, commit to it.

Cheating

I never thought I'd have to explicitly call out cheating as something gamers shouldn't be doing, but it turns out a lot of gamers think it's okay—if you're reading this, you know who you are. It's so bad that I will refuse to play with anyone who proves to be a cheat.

Cheating is never acceptable. A game is defined by its rules, and everyone who agrees to play that game is agreeing to play by those rules. Intentionally breaking those rules for any reason is a breach of trust and undermines the whole purpose of playing in the first place. What's the point if you're going to do whatever you want? At that point, it's just a waste of time.

The worst part is, there are lots of "innocent" behaviors that qualify as cheating. Taking back your move after your turn has passed to the next player. Peeking at hidden information. Lying about what's in your hand. Conveniently forgetting to pay certain costs or apply negative effects.

Being a Sore Loser

You can't win every game. Even if you're an exceptionally skilled gamer, it's simply unreasonable to expect victory every time. There will be times when you lose—especially in games with a non-zero amount of luck—and when you do, you need to let it go and get over it.

Nobody likes a sore loser. At best, it brings down the mood; at worst, it creates rifts between players and permanently sours people on otherwise good games. One bitter encounter with a super sore loser can turn someone away from board gaming altogether, and that really sucks.

Not only is sore losership a big deal, it's also tough to overcome. It's so insidious that you might not even realize you're a sore loser until the behavior starts driving people away. See my other article on signs you're a sore loser and what you can do about it.

Being a Sore Winner

Is there anything more off-putting than someone who rubs salt into a wound and gloats after winning? You already won the game, so let's leave it at that. "In your face, sucker!" might feel good to say, but only for you.

Nobody likes a sore winner. Don't kick people when they're down, and don't be obnoxious when you win. In fact, do the very opposite. There's an admirable quality to someone who can win graciously, and it makes them the kind of person you want to play with more. But if you're the type to add insult to injury, don't be surprised when people don't want to play with you.

Skipping Basic Hygiene

I'm going to harp on this point one more time: board gaming is a social activity. Everyone must be present in the same physical location in order to partake. In other words, the board game table is a shared space, and that means you need to treat that space with the respect it deserves.

Be the kind of player people want to sit next to. That means cleaning yourself up before game night—taking a shower, applying deodorant, wearing clean clothes that aren't musty or rank. Avoid covering up with body sprays, colognes, perfumes, etc. In fact, minimize scents of all kinds and focus on being as inoffensive as possible.

And that about wraps it up! How many of these board gaming etiquette mistakes have you been making? Are there any others you'd add to the list? Got any tips for overcoming them? Contact me and let me know!